Scared to be Sick, A Nursing Ritual That’s Got to Stop

by | Jan 15, 2014 | 13 comments

 

Another question from a reader:

Hi Elizabeth,

I want to know why it is an “unwritten” law that nurses go to work sick? 

My whole career and that of my co-workers it has been expected that if you are sick on a scheduled work day that you come in- sick or not.  You don’t want to let your co-workers down but if you are sick and stay home many nurses tell me they can’t rest for guilt of what they’ve done. 

I’m not excluded from the “many nurses” group; I’ve done it myself. 

There is something really wrong with this.  Thank you for sharing this as I am not comfortable posting this on any social media but I know you are free to “put it out there”.  Even the fact that I can’t be free to post it says something doesn’t it?

Thank you,

Scared to be Sick

Dear ‘Scared to be Sick’,

Thank you for writing. Let me start by sharing, as you already know, you are not alone. But let’s shelf that for a moment, if I may, and I will speak to what’s going on here. I’ll start slow and then work up to the ‘harder’ stuff as this topic can get quite polarizing. Some of you reading may not enjoy or agree with what I’m writing. But you know what, that’s OK.

Guilt Is a ‘What-If’ Syndrome

What if I let them down? What if they get mad? What if I get in trouble?

I’ve shared this before and I’ll write to it again. We can never ever know what is going on in another person’s mind. That worry of ‘what if they get mad‘ is our own inner critic. The fear of ‘what if they don’t like me‘ is our own lack of self-acceptance.

It’s time to let go. Nurses, this ‘what if’ thinking is NOT serving you.

You cannot, in any way, shape or form, know what your colleague is thinking, believing or feeling about you. It’s time to stop.

When you make a decision- stand for it. When you choose to take care of yourself- feel proud. Simple as that.

Sick at Work

Now there is a whole other piece to this question- going to work sick. And even though we are nurses, taking care of sick people, monitoring hand washing logs and teaching others what to do when ill, we still work sick. How insane is that!

One of my greatest guides, Dr. Robert Anthony who teaches universal law and quantum theory, describes a funnel of limitation. In fact, I received an email from his just this morning reminding us of this principle.

The funnel of limitation is a concept that keeps the tribe down. Nursing is a great exemplar of this and fits into this metaphor perfectly.

Think of the shape of a funnel. It’s narrow at the bottom. When you’re at the bottom all that you see are those around you. The top is not even imaginable because of the constriction and tightly packed feelings the funnel creates.

Now when you’re at the bottom and you look to your left and look to your right- all you see are similar beings, with similar situations and challenges. Their drama becomes yours. Their (negative) outlook infects you. No matter what you try to do to get out of this funnel, you keep getting sucked back down.

Being a nurse, surrounded by a whole host of negative behavior and lifelong history of martyrdom, has shaped our consciousness. We see other nurses come to work sick and think to ourselves, “Oh, I better not call out or I’m not as good a nurse as she is.”

Collaboration Instead of Competition

This ridiculousness has to end. Coming to work sick isn’t doing anyone good.

Instead of beating yourself up, trying to be the best or fitting in with the group I encourage you to be yourself. If you’re sick; stay home. If you can’t work; don’t. No one is judging you but you. And when you let others judge you then you’ve lost your power.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

Work as a team. Be a role-model. Take the first step and do the right thing. Make choices for yourself and you will benefit. Then when others see you feeling happy, healthy and on top-of-the-world they’ll ask you about your experiences and start mimicking your behavior.

Actions speak louder than words and it’s time for you to take action.

Be the nurse you want to be by waking the nurse within.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments or reactions to this post. What happens at your work place? Can you help to alleviate some of the fears of being sick? Let’s share some discussion below.

Elizabeth Scala, MSN/MBA, RN; Founder of Nursing from WithinAbout the Author: As a speaker, workshop facilitator, and Reiki Master, Elizabeth partners with hospitals, organizations, associations, and nursing groups to help transform the field of nursing from the inside out. As the host of The Art of Nursing virtual conference, Elizabeth guides nurses and nursing students to a change in perspective, helping them make the inner shift needed to better maneuver the sometimes challenging realities of being a caregiver.

13 Comments

  1. gia combs-ramirez

    I get so mad at people (and not just nurses) who go to work sick. As a customer, client and patient I do not want to be tended by someone who is sick. They can not help me. As an energy healer I don’t work when I’m sick. My body is telling me to focus on myself. In a really responsive world, we can recognize when we need time off to maintain our health. Here’s to that vision!

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Hey there gia,
      Thanks for coming by, reading and sharing your comment. I do appreciate you taking the time to do so. Your points are so spot on. Thinking of the customer (patient) puts it in a very clear perspective. How can we help them if we are weak, in pain or lethargic? Cheers to the vision!
      Elizabeth

      Reply
  2. rose frazer

    Cheers to Gia! I’m a PT who took many years to come to terms with not going to work sick. Now, I look back and think What was I thinking! A couple of years ago, I was at a facility where the CNAs were very fearful of calling in sick. They came to work and 9 patients caught the flu and died. This makes no sense. And when I am the customer of the sick person I just feel grossed out and wish they would go home before I catch it.

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Hi Rose,
      Thanks for adding in to the conversation; much appreciated. Coming to work and having the outcome be deceased patients, my goodness! Totally defeats the point of taking care of them, huh? Thanks for reading! Enjoy your day,
      Elizabeth

      Reply
  3. Barbara

    I appreciate your comments as well as that of gia’s. Perhaps the younger generation of nurses are not inculcated to feel this guilt that the writer spoke of. As a “seasoned” nurse I know it well. I’m interested to see what others have to say. Thanks.
    Barbara

    Reply
  4. Marti

    Just two nights ago a nurse came to work very I’ll with the flu. It was here first night back after coming off a months vacation overseas. I asked her why she didn’t call in sick and she said she didn’t want the manager to think she was trying to extend her vacation PLUS she was low on her PTO (paid time off). I told her it was obvious by just listening to her she was sick! She had a terrible, wet cough, a hoarse throat and a very stuffy nose. She did put a mask on. I do not think that the manager would have thought that she was trying to eek out an extra day after hearing her voice nor do I think anyone would have. In this case, I think it had more to do with her PTO being used up than calling in sick. Being in charge, I highly encouraged her to go home and I would try and see if another nurse could be found. She refused. The nursing supervisor said that she had no one to replace her. When someone is sick, PLEASE stay home! If I was a patient and a nurse that sick came into my room, I would question it aggressively. Once you’re there, it puts the patients, staff, unit and hospital in a situation of liability. If your hospital demands that you work, they are wrong and can be fined. The above situation proves my point.

    Reply
  5. Elizabeth Scala

    The comments posted thus far have been fascinating. Age demographics seem to be an item of strong opinion. While I can understand your perception, I disagree.

    I am not an ‘older’ nurse, nor do I have much beside experience. I worked for less than five years before I left.

    Yet, I did this. When I worked as a psych nurse I would go in sick, as the question was posed.

    It may seem that this is an age-related problem, but it is not. It is a human being challenge.

    It is my perception that we, as thinking and feeling emotional beings, want to be accepted, respected and valued. If we feel anything is going to get in the way of our worthiness we put ourselves down and sacrifice for the good of another. Not all of us do this, but it is a challenge many people struggle with.

    In my opinion we have to do much inner clearing and healing to welcome our own value from within. Awaken the nurse within to bring healing presence to our practice.

    Thanks for all of the great discussion everyone,
    Elizabeth

    Reply
  6. St Frances of Rome

    This is definitely an “older” nurse problem. Younger nurses don’t suffer from this “guilt” trip. In fact, younger nurses don’t feel guilty about anything at all. Nothing

    Reply
  7. Susan

    Hi Elizabeth and others,

    I am a seasoned, and recently retired, nurse, who, I confess, rarely called in sick in my career of over 30 odd years. Somewhere in my 40s, I clued in that I tended to fall sick on my days off, or just at the start of my vacation. What the heck was with that? It’s as if I was just so darn busy working, and life, that I didn’t feel my body, or, I finally relaxed when I got off my stretch of shifts, that I “allowed’ my body to get sick.

    As well, there are so many of my nurse friends and colleagues, that barely hang on to retirement, or take their accumulated sick time as a leave, before they actually retire. Another scary phenomenon, is when, me included, a nurse retires and shortly thereafter comes down with some dreadful disease.

    Anybody else experience, or witness this?

    Regards, Susan

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Hi Susan,
      Thank you for your honesty. You speak to an experience that is very common. The body continues with fight or flight until there is no more of either. It then collapses beyond exhaustion and finally allows itself to get sick, often coming when we are off or on vacation.

      Enjoy your day,
      Elizabeth

      Reply
  8. young nurse

    I am a young nurse I feel so guilty calling in sick it is not an age thing. But I would not want someone caring for me that was coughing,or full of cold and neither do I want to pass anything on to patients.

    Reply
    • newb

      I am a new grad nurse, working only 5 months now and just called out sick today. I had a fever, sore throat, achiness, headache, and neck pain all weekend. Today I felt ok when I woke up,finally getting over it, but still not 100%. I was battling if I should go in tonight all day. I had thought I would, but after taking a short walk I felt sick in my chest still, dizzy, and nauseous. I thought maybe I was psyching myself out, but ended up calling in sick anyway. Talk about guilt, I embarrassingly almost cried on the phone when I called in. It is so hard for me, because I am so passionate about self-care, but I felt like I was letting the entire night-shift down, just by calling out! This post definitely helped! Who cares what others think. This is how I want to be a nurse. I don’t want to be spreading my germs to all the kiddos that come in the door (I’m a peds ED RN)! I grabbed some take out last night, and I was pretty grossed out because two of the people handling my food sneezed or coughed while preparing it. I was grossed out. I don’t want to be that person at my job. Navigating the politics of what is expected as a new nurse is daunting, but this helped remind me that I should be the nurse I want to be, not the nurse others think I should be. Anyways, excuse the rant, it has helped my guilt 😉

      Reply
      • Elizabeth

        Thanks for your honesty, newb. Appreciate you sharing those feelings of guilt. In fact, I have them… we all have them. We don’t want to let our team down! So… now that you got them out of your system… you can let them go. Sounds like you starting doing that when you realized that you do not want to infect your patients with whatever bug you have. Just know that a nurse is a human being too. We all get sick from time-to-time. When we do, we do NOT need to work. Glad you enjoyed the post!

        Reply

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