Addicted to Nursing: When Caring Becomes too Much

by | Mar 13, 2014 | 18 comments

Last spring we were knee-deep in the hustle and bustle of my third virtual event, the RejuveNation Collaboration. A budding theme emerged in each of the webinars. I continued to hear:

I know that taking care of myself is important. It should be a priority. And then I just don’t do it.”

We’d be on the live calls- myself, my guest speaker and the participants. I’d stop right then and there, inquiring: “So what is that? How come we do this?

Each time I’d ask I was met with a familiar silence. It was as if everyone was stumped. After the event was over, “Why does this happen?” echoed in my brain.

That summer, in response to this trend, I created a survey. I had my own budding ideas of what I thought was happening, yet I needed to search and listen to what others had to say.

The response:

  • “I pretty much lost my health and had to severely reduce my work status or risk disciplinary action for absenteeism.”
  • “Once I found myself at a spiritual bottom I knew I needed to ask for help.”
  • “The many years of not doing so, has made the many years ahead, physically more painful & less enjoyable!”
  • “My health crashed out on me after a particularly grueling period at work.”
  • ” I think a lot of us are enablers; we take care of ourselves last.”
  • “The profession as a whole has a culture that values self sacrifice over self care.”
  • “My career created a painful divorce, my relationships suffered as I burned many bridges of trust.”

My inclinations were confirmed: nurses seem to be addicted to caring.

I’ve written another blog post on this topic which received a lot of feedback, where I asked if it was the nurse inside of us or the nursing profession as a whole that affected our capacity to care.

We care so much: for our patients, our colleagues, our organizations, our providers, our families and friends, our neighborhoods and communities. The list goes on and on.

Yet where is the care for self?

Hearing the feedback created this notion that we are addicted to taking care of others. From burning bridges to finding ourselves at our wits end with nothing else to do but change our life patterns or die- the very things that addicts struggle with on the way through recovery. (I know from both familial & professional experience).

Is nursing so different from these struggles encountered during addictions?

You may or may not agree, and that is totally OK. I just want to present the themes I heard and found in my conversations, open-ended surveys and focus groups.

And if you don’t agree, I invite you to approach the subject with an open mind. Just allowing yourself to question and wonder invites opportunity for growth and change.

Suzuki said, “If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything, it is open to everything. In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind there are few.”

Now that we have this new information to ponder, how can it help us? What can we do to learn, grow, heal and change?

Our profession overall is in need of some major shifts.

Conditions have been created that are not conducive to healing environments. Nurses can’t find the time to get a break. We’re pressured to stay late, work over and drain ourselves from the joy of the job. Patient safety and the quality of the care we feel we’re able to provide are compromised.

Instead of staying beaten down with burden, it’s time for a change.

Let’s lift the profession of nursing up: one nurse at a time.

Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” – Steve Maraboli

So what do we have power over?

Our thoughts. Our minds. Our feelings, our words. We can only change our external experience by shifting our inner landscapes, connecting to the nurse within.

Lately I’m not even sure of my stance on addictions. The addictions model states that there is something wrong with us and by coming together to focus on the problem we can recover from it. In that very model, again the focus is on the problem.

The more we attend to the problems the more we create them.

Let’s focus on solutions.

Look for the good in nursing. Find what you are grateful for in your role. Lift your own self up in order to empower the entire profession.

Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” -Mahatma Gandhi

I’d love to hear from you. What are your thoughts on this topic? Where do you agree or disagree? Go ahead and leave a comment below. I also invite you to begin with this inner work, this process of self-empowerment. Join us this Nurse’s Week as we reconnect with the Spirit of Nursing care.

Special Note: This post was written as part of the Nurse Blog Carnival. If you are interested in participating find out more details and sign up here. And thank you to Annette Tersigni, founder of YogaNursing® is the host for this round.

18 Comments

  1. Erica MacDonald

    This is a wonderful post! I think that the integration of the culture of nurse self care and encouraging each other to take care of ourselves could be part of the answer to eliminating nurse bullying. Because after all, who will have time to bully a fellow nurse when they are busy building them up and encouraging self care?

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Hi Erica,
      Thank you for coming by and taking the time to share your thoughts. I recently read a post by someone who wrote about nurse Happy Hours. (Something I often write/speak about as well, since I’ve had experience with these). The author shared that instead of a nurse Happy Hour we may have a nurse Healthy Hour, all go on a healthy outing together outside of work. What better way to embrace self-care than to do it in a group! Caring for others is very kind; caring for self is noble.
      Enjoy the day,
      Elizabeth

      Reply
  2. Wayne

    Great content Elizabeth. I second your opinion on our focusing on solutions. The issue of addiction is hard to paint with one brushstroke

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Thanks, Wayne!

      Reply
  3. Dawn Hodges

    Like you, I became ill and needed to take considerable time off. The nurse managers wanted me back before my 12 weeks of medical leave was up and then made all types of physical demands on me. I was tired, burned out. My husband said why don’t you take 12 months off, so I did. I went to some really nice spas, took my
    sons on some road trips, played with my dogs, vaught up with some friends and family.
    Nowadays I work part time and I do something for myself at least once a week.

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Dawn,
      This is excellent. A way to balance both work and play. Taking care of you certainly helps you take care of others, in a better and more productive way. I am so glad you are listening to what you need and tapping into nursing from within.
      Enjoy the day,
      Elizabeth

      Reply
  4. Gail

    I hadn’t considered caring as something to be “addicted” to but I agree that is valid and I like your unique perspective. I’ve always referred to it as the “cycle of caring” which leaves us burned out and overweight/unhealthy. The concept is the same and it is also like an abusive relationship. But the bottom line is that we need to reconnect with our core selves and focus on why we treat our patients and family better than we treat ourselves. It is a universal nurse problem that may have something to do with esteem and worth. I love your program which helps nurses to dig deep and find/develop those things. I think this is great!

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Hi Gail,
      Thank you so much for coming by and sharing your comments. I totally agree; there is something underlying that relates to esteem and worth that has us feeling the need to give, give, give until we can give no more. I appreciate the kind feedback on my work and am so grateful for the opportunity to share in this way.
      Enjoy the day,
      Elizabeth

      Reply
  5. Yoga Nurse

    Simply sublime post. Yes, addicted to caring for others first. Now, time to get addicted- in a good way 🙂 to caring for ourselves. Yes! let’s focus on the solutions. xo

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Hi Annette,
      Thanks so much for hosting this round of the blog carnival. Totally agree that it’s time to get addicted to taking care of ourselves and the solutions we come up with!
      Enjoy the day,
      Elizabeth

      Reply
  6. JoyceJoyce

    Elizabeth,
    I love what you say, “Lift your own self up in order to empower the entire profession.”
    This is so very true..!
    As nurses, we need to realize caring can be an addiction. I’ve never understood nurses who work 60 plus hours every week even if they don’t need the extra money.
    Working overtime for a period to pay a bill/debt is understandable – but this constant addiction to caring is bad for the nurses well-being.
    You brought it out so well. Great job.

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Thank you, Joyce. I appreciate you taking your time to stop by and share your comment. And even when we are working overtime to pay back a bill- even then there is a chance to observe our thoughts, feelings and behaviors and wonder if we are making conscious choices with our spending. I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Enjoy the day, Elizabeth

      Reply
  7. Kevin Ross

    As always Elizabeth, truly insightful and inspiring. When will we embrace the idea of self-care as more of a selfless act for ourselves rather than being selfish?

    I’ve been inundated with information as of late about hospitals/organizations being short staffed and scrambling to find help (I also realize this has been a constant). It really seems like a perpetual existence for a nurse manager to try and fill those vacancies. Not to mention reaching out to nurses who may be on leave or just not in a healthy place to fill those spots at that time. In those cases the weak links in the team could be abundant, and don’t forget about feelings that a nurse may have from lack of support from leadership.

    It’s always triage and put a bandaid on it. Well, those wounds are hemorrhaging.

    We spoke about it recently and you’re right. The change begins within. This is the “local” effort that will expand the global change.

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Hi Kevin!
      I love your closing words: a local effort that will expand global change. So true. Thank you for your insights on the archaic problem-solving approach that no longer ‘fixes’ the hemorrhaging wound. Great point. Enjoy the day,
      Elizabeth

      Reply
  8. Brittney Wilson @ The Nerdy Nurse

    I am constantly struggling with the overwhelming “need” to stay busy and productive. I try to make time for self-care, but this time feels like wasted time to me. I tell myself it’s not, but deep down I feel like I should be accomplishing something. “You can sleep when you’re dead,” the saying goes. I honestly think this is part of the reason I perform so little self care. Many of the women in my family die very young. My mother was in her 40s and my grandmother in her 50s. Part of me thinks I’ll share the same fate and that I simply don’t have time to relax and take care of myself. There is just so much to be done and I’m afraid I might die before I can do it all.

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Thank you for your candid honesty, Brittney.

      I had so many thoughts running through my head as I was reading your comment, and I’ve decided to narrow it down to just this one. What would you be doing if you were doing ‘self-care’, as you call it? Maybe the reason you see it as wasted time is that it’s not something you enjoy. Can you find ‘self-care’ activities that can be also seen as productive and a good use of your time?

      That and one more final thought, downtime may be perceived as ‘wasted’ time if one has never seen nor felt the benefits of it. I too used to view downtime as being lazy, unproductive, wasteful and even sloth-like. That’s because I was raised that way and my education/religion/family ‘had’ to always be ‘doing’ something.

      Just the other day I was just sitting in my living room, looking out the window. My mother called. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Sitting,” I said. “And doing what” she asked further. “Nothing, just relaxing. Enjoying the room, the day.” She literally laughed at me. Oh well, it’s my way to recharge so that when I do go to do those more productive things I am a full-battery and can be that much more efficient! Just a thought…

      Enjoy the day,
      Elizabeth

      Reply
  9. http://rnevolution.com

    Elizabeth,

    I think there really is something to being “addicted to caring.” I venture most nurses are. Now, we should exhibit more self care behaviors (and I am a perfect example of an RN who doesn’t) but not all addictions are bad, necessarily. Getting a “high” from making someone else feel better or keeping someone safe is ok as long as we don’t cross over into control issues or fanaticism. I came to nursing from a career in television news where we mostly cared about ratings, beating the competition to a sound bite, and not really about people. I much prefer my nursing/caring addiction to the news junky/only news is bad news addiction I suffered from for years.

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Hi there,
      Thank you so much for coming by, reading and taking the time to share your comment. I appreciate insights and perspectives. We can learn from every life lesson along our way. Enjoy the day, Elizabeth

      Reply

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