Recently I went to the American Holistic Nurse Association Conference in Branson, MO. It was an absolutely amazing experience. Now, I had been before, but for some reason this year was magical. If you haven’t been to an AHNA Conference, I highly recommend it. In fact, next year’s conference has already been announced and the group will be traveling to Bonita Springs, Florida. I hope to see you there!

OK, I digress…

The point of this post was to talk to you about something that I experienced in Branson a few weeks ago.

One of the parts of the conference that is unique to the AHNA is the sharing circle. I’ve been to other nursing conferences (many, in fact) and I have never seen anything like this.

A sharing circle safe and sacred space to be yourself. The point is to simply be supported, without judgment, advice, help or therapy. The sharing circle is a place for deeper understanding and pure listening. It is lovely.

Well, I enjoy going to these circles and was bummed I missed the first one on opening day. You see, I was elected to the board this year and so I also had many meetings and responsibilities throughout the conference week. So the second day it was offered I was really looking forward to it and made a point to attend.

Now I am not sure where it came from or why I started the topic, but I started to share in my circle (I would never tell you what other people said… nor will I go through the entire thing word-for-word) about my lack of close friendships.

As an adult with a highly optimistic and positive approach, I find myself lacking in the friendship department. College friends have grown into their own families. Distance separates me from those I do remain in touch with. Many relationships have faded into only a memory over time. And now I am left with, to be honest, no friends.

So I shared this in my circle. And we talked about it around the group for some time. But while I sat there, listening to my colleagues and of course myself, I realized… being a friend and having a friendship can be a highly vulnerable experience. When we enter into friendship we are ‘putting ourselves out there’ so to speak. And that can be a scary experience.

What does this have to do with nursing? How might this ruin our nursing careers?

Well, to get back to the point of this post, I think about our profession and the work that we do. We want to fix things. We want to give care. We want to be there for other people and help them to heal. We don’t stop until our work is done. And many times… we don’t stop at all.

This can be quite exhausting for us as nurse professionals.

Think about it: a career where you may never really be able to ‘fix’ people. A job where you can’t ‘help’. Types of nursing comes to mind when I think of these things: hospice nursing. Nurses who care for children who are dying. Alzheimer patients. People are GOING to die. That is the natural flow of life. As soon as we are born our trajectory towards death starts.

So how does it feel to be a nurse who knows she/he cannot ‘fix’? Cannot make things right? Cannot give the care the patient is asking for? Cannot provide to all?

I am reminded of the words from my business coach: ‘Done is better than perfect’. Maybe to be a nurse is to get things done, without always looking to perfect it all. Maybe being a nurse is being that vulnerable person- putting themselves and their career on the line. Maybe being a nurse is about showing up to allow the other person to be their authentic self. Maybe being a nurse is to flow with the natural healing process- whatever that outcome may be.

I don’t know… but I do know this. If you try to be ‘perfect’ as a nurse, it is certainly going to ruin your career. The very best way to perfect your nursing practice is to simply be yourself.

Thoughts? Comments? I’d love to hear from you. How does ‘being perfect’ get in your way? How have you enjoyed the diversity of your nursing role? How do you show up in a way that works for you?

About the Author: As a speaker, workshop facilitator, and Reiki Master, Elizabeth partners with hospitals, organizations, associations, and nursing groups to help transform the field of nursing from the inside out. As the host of the Your Next Shift Workshop, Elizabeth guides nurses and nursing students to a change in perspective, helping them make the inner shift needed to better maneuver the sometimes challenging realities of being a caregiver.