…So yesterday I shared a story of me on the open bay in my kayak. I was with two other girl friends, a woman who is an experienced kayaker, and the guide. We were out on the water for over 4 hours. We paddled out to a landing spot, took a 5 minute break, and were back in the boats on our way to shore…

…Yesterday I shared how I was in severe pain. My chest muscles felt as if they were tearing with each stroke. My shoulders felt as if boulders were weighing them down. And to top it all off… the tide was going out… making it that much harder to paddle in the shallow waters! So I posed the question to you: what do you think I did? Did I suck it up and struggle on through? Did I continue to row? Or did I ask for help and receive the support?…

…Well, I am sort of proud to report… I did it. I asked for help. It was really, really hard. My pride was kicking in. My shame, embarrassment, and guilt. I didn’t want to be a bother. I didn’t want the guide to have the struggle of rowing himself and paddling me in. I felt silly since I was the youngest one there. I felt all of the fisherman out on the bay that day were secretly laughing at me. I felt the ladies I went with were like “And she claims she is in shape?” It was really, really difficult for me to give in and just receive the support…

…But why? What are we trying to prove? What are we desperately trying to show? As nurses, we have a hard time asking for and receiving help. Whether it is at work, at home, or with friends… I know this because I have done it. When I ran charge (which was almost daily when I worked on my inpatient psych unit), I had other nurses coming up to me… “Is there anything I can help you with? What can I do?” My responses: “Nothing, I’m fine, nope… don’t need any help…” while inside I might be frustrated, overwhelmed, and struggling…

…Why do we do this? What is so hard about accepting support? I know this is sounding similar to the articles I wrote two weeks ago, but this experience I had in the kayak really made me open up my eyes. And that is why I say I am so “proud” that I allowed myself to receive the help. It was hard. I didn’t want to. And it was a battle… but thank goodness I did so…

…My one friend who was out on the water with me… told me in the following days she wishes she would have allowed herself to receive the help too. She said she was in so much pain and actually got herself a bit sick later that day… that she wishes she was able to let go of that pride and just take the help. She later revealed to me that she too has a hard time asking for help…

…So ladies! (Or gentlemen…) Let’s do this. Really look inside of you. Why might you have a hard time receiving help from another person? Are you trying to prove something? And if so, can you let that go?!? Guess what- we are all that matters. We are enough. We are good enough and perfect just the way we are. We are beautiful just as we show up…

…And even further- those judgments that we have going through our heads… “They will laugh at me, they won’t think I am in shape anymore, they will think I am weak, they will think I am lazy…” all of those judgments are really just us judging ourselves. Can you let go of your self-critiques and just love yourself unconditionally as you are? Can you just accept that you have imperfections? Can you just recognize that there is a time when you need help?…

…If we are caught up trying to prove ourselves to other people, why don’t we pause and realize that our value, worth, and appreciation comes from within. Rather than looking to outside sources for acceptance and love- why not just know that you are worth it because you are you? Stop looking to people to recognize you. Stop looking to people to praise you. Stop trying to prove you. Recognize yourself. Appreciate you. Love yourself…

How can you start to let go of self-judgments? What can you do to appreciate yourself each day? When can you get started with proving yourself to no one but yourself?