I’ve shared this on my blog before, but nurse’s love doing things two ways:
- On their own
- The hard way.
Yikes! That doesn’t sound good.
I actually went to a focus group the other day. This PhD student at my organization is looking at nurses and well-being. She did a written survey and was conducting focus groups to delve deeper on what she found quantitatively. I had the opportunity to sit in on one and it was fascinating to experience.
I won’t go into all of the details as she is still working on her project, but two things one nurse said really struck me and have stuck with me. She said that nursing is quite autonomous, when you look at the overall way the day is run:
- You come to work and receive your assignment;
- Then you hop on a computer and check your orders;
- You go see and assess your patients;
- You do the things that your patients need according to how you’ve mapped out your day.
This list can go on and on, but you get the idea. She said nursing isn’t like working in, say a factory where you stand on an assembly line and stamp ‘widgets’ all day. You have a certain autonomy. You are on your own with your patients. You are doing your tasks, skills, and assignments as you see fit. So in this stream of thinking- nursing is somewhat ‘on our own’.
Now for the second part, nurses doing things that hard way. I’ve done this too and continue to hear about it and see it a lot of the time. What happens when someone asks you if you need anything? What is the typical response? “No I’m fine.” We could be completely sinking and totally needing help from our team, but those three little words just seem to always sneak out: No, I’m fine.
Avoiding support is similar to one of my favorite statements: “I don’t have time for…” I think this is malarkey. Not having time is a nice way of saying “I don’t want to”. So then are you really saying “I don’t want help”? I think this calls from some further introspection and investigation. I encourage you to look more deeply at the following questions:
- Is avoiding support an excuse?
- What are you trying to hide from?
- What are your views around support?
- Have you been let down in the past, making it hard for you to accept help and support?
- What might you think of yourself if you do accept the help?
- How do you think of those that receive help? Does receiving help conjure up any negative associations for you?
- Why might you not accept the help that you need?
I encourage you to really spend some time with these questions if you find it hard to accept help in your life. Being able to receive support makes us healthier, happier, and whole. Leave a question, comment, or reaction below. I love hearing from you! Have a healthy day!!
I have been guilty of this in the past but as we have become busier and the era of computerized charting has entered our world, there seems there is so much more to do and much more frequently. I always ask my staff, “Do you need any help?” yet there are nurses who don’t do the same. We rotate the charge nurse duties among several a few of us so I am rarely asked when I’m not charge and I do occassionally need help so I take it upon myself to let them know that I need a little help. There are nurse who are happy to help and there are those who don’t ask for a reason….if you know what I mean. I have found that when somene else is charge, other nurse still come to me for help as they know I will help when I can. If I’m busy, I tell them I will get to it as soon as I can but what I need to do is maybe tell them to ask the charge nurse that day first. It will be difficult to do but there will be times it will be what’s best for me.
Hi Marti,
Thanks for your comments, always! I am so glad to see you coming back again and again to read the articles on the blog and share your comments via your experiences. It is helpful to me to hear what is going on in your world so that I can stay connected to nursing at the bedside.
In terms of your comments, thank you for sharing how you ask others if they need help. I encourage you to continue to do so- no matter what others are doing. As we have discussed before, we are only in control of our own actions, feelings, and thoughts. You ROCK girl, so keep at it!
And I invite you, to sit with the reflective questions on this post and see what comes up for you. Continue to receive the support you recognize in your life. When we receive we are much better givers.
Have a healthy day,
Elizabeth
Sometimes giving IS receiving! I asked my nurses this very busy morning about 0500 if they were doing Ok. Had they caught up? Did they need any help? “No,” was the answer. As I was finally getting ready to leave and totally exhausted, I saw one of my very, good nurses heading into an isolation roon with some IV supplies. After asking I found out that she still needed to re-start an IV and finish report. I suddenly wasn’t that tired anymore. I told her I would be more than happy to help her start the IV so she could finish report. I did and she did and we both got out around 0800. I felt like I had given because I knew that she needed help yet I had received because she so very much appreciated it! I left feeling very much fulfilled.
It was very hard for me to ask for help or accept help as a newer nurse. There was something in me that I felt like I was the only one capable of taking the best care of MY patient. I learned to let go of that when I completely burned out in the ICU I was working in. Something in me felt that by accepting help, even when the person gracefully offered, I felt I was putting some sort of burden of MY work onto another nurse. Also, I always find that I am more energized to help others when they are also willing to work as a team.
Hello Sara,
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I appreciate you taking the time to write and comment. You are right, we have a sense of we can and will do the best for our patient. Yet, as you share this can lead to burnout when we chronically give and give and give, with no break to receive. Thank you for bringing new insights to this discussion. It was wonderful hearing from you.
Have a healthy day!
Elizabeth