The month of October has been awesome! I’ve given five talks to groups of nurses, have one tonight, and one next week. While I visited with these nurses- and they were in three different states, with three different types of groups-  a common theme came blaring through.

“I am not a priority in my life.”

I don’t have time for myself. I won’t invest in myself. I can’t make room for me, for what I want. I’ll put everyone else and their needs first. My child needs braces- I’ll find a way to afford them. My cat needs surgery- I’ll figure it out. My home needs a new oven- we’ll make it happen. I’ll do everything in my power to make other people happy; just not me.

How sad. How unfortunate. How scary.

As I was reflecting on this perspective of the nurse at the bottom of the priority list I came up with a few reasons for this line of thinking, talking, and behaving.

Why don’t we think, feel, and/or see ourselves as a priority?

• The discomfort with change: If I don’t have to change; life stays easy and uncomplicated. If I don’t have to work on myself, then I don’t have to feel anxious or worried that I might fail. Change is unknown and moves me out of my comfort zone. I like things the way they are no matter how much I complain about them.
• It’s easier to answer to others: Other people and their needs are easier to hold myself accountable to. If someone asks me to do something for them, then sure- I’ll do it- and I know I have to get it done. Because they are counting on me. But if I say I am going to do something for myself; who’s going to hold me responsible then? It’s easier to just let the things I say or do for myself go- no one is watching or checking in on me.
• Three little yet powerful words: worthiness, value, love. Somehow, some way, along my journey I have forgotten to care for me. Maybe something happened when I was young; maybe someone let me down. Maybe I criticize myself each and every day. But the self-love just isn’t there and so I don’t think I’m worthy of taking care of me.

What can I do about this? 

One thing I hear, read, and have said is: “Shift your mindset. Quit feeling guilty about taking time for yourself.” But that’s easier said than done, right? Well, instead of jumping right into something that your subconscious does not believe just do this: simply observe.

Notice and watch yourself. When you are running on empty how does that feel? When you took time for a break how does that feel? Is one better than the other? Start noticing how you feel in both situations and then YOU choose which one is better for you.

Another thing that I’ve heard before that doesn’t work is “Make ‘me’ time daily.” Well, if you already don’t have time for yourself where are you going to get it from? Time doesn’t grow on trees. Each of us have the same amount of hours in a day and we’re not getting any more of them.

Since you’re not getting any younger and time IS passing you by let’s try another tactic. Live in the little thing I like to call the N-O-W. Instead of racing around all day, thinking of the things you have to do next, can you just try to be present? The more that you can be present in the here and now, the more time will slow down. Not only that, the more present you are the more you will actually feel, notice, and observe what it is you want out of life.

Oh yeah… another theme from the five groups of nurses I’ve spoken with thus far this month: none of them know what they want! Sound familiar?

Look, if you’re ready and willing to really shift things around and place yourself closer to the top of your priority list, you’re going to need some support. Changes like this don’t happen overnight and, trust me, if their new… you’re going to wind up sabotaging yourself. Join me and a small group of like-minded others for six weeks of connection, collaboration, support, and change. We’re going to have fun, successfully make changes, and learn to put ourselves first!

For more information about my six week course, please click here.