What is our fascination with being ‘right’?
Think about it. When someone challenges you, what do you typically do? Defend yourself? Argue? Stand your ground? Or back down, letting the assailant win? (Never! LOL)
This fascinating set of circumstances can apply to you in a variety of ways. For one, at work you don’t want to look foolish or be put down. If a colleague, co-worker, or provider comes at you- what is your first reaction?
Is it one of defending yourself against attack?
Or at home- the same thing can hold true. We just experienced the Thanksgiving holiday here in the US. While time with family is usually filled with joy, love, and comfort it can also bring up tension, stress, and challenging circumstances.
Isn’t it true that you can pick your friends, you can choose your place of work, but the blood between relatives is a bond that can never be broken?
Why is it when our family members challenge our beliefs, attitudes, or lifestyles we fall back into unhealthy patterns or negative routines? Does anyone out there reading agree that those who love you most can hurt you worst?
So the other day I was listening to another one of my universal law tapes. There was a topic I had never heard of, probably never even thought of before: you can’t be ‘right’ and ‘happy’ all at the same time.
I thought about it as I listened, reflected on it some in my meditation, but isn’t it always the case that we don’t really ‘learn’ something until we experience it?
A Law in Action
Maybe it was the universe teaching me the law in action, but how come during the heat of the moment I couldn’t even remember my own name?
As I sat there screaming back across the kitchen table during breakfast this past week, where was my own realization? How come I couldn’t put into practice the theory of impossibility of being ‘right’ and ‘happy’ all at once?
I screamed and yelled. My voice broke as I fought back tears. In trying to pick up my fork, I realized my hands were shaking. I was that mad.
In the words of Francis Bacon: “In order for the light to shine brightly, the darkness must be present.”
Later in the day when I had some time in quiet, I reflected. Why did I get so upset? How come I was rattled to the core? And then it struck me: I was fighting to hard to be ‘right’.
And in that moment, during that need to be ‘right’, I gave up all of my right to feel happy.
As a nurse, whatever level of nursing you practice, when was the last time you felt attacked? What behavior makes you defend yourself? Why is it that these thoughts, feelings, and behaviors come up for you?
The next time, maybe in the heat-of-the-moment, maybe afterwards- can you take a step back?
Were you trying so hard to be right? How come your desire to be ‘right’ is so strong? Are you willing to be ‘right’ at the expense of your happiness? Leave a comment below. I’d love to hear how this landed for you and what you might do to shift practice in action.
I’m in a situation just as you speak of right now at work. I know I’m right but I’m not happy with the answer I got. Wait! You said why can’t you be happy with knowing you are right even if someone doesn’t want to admit you are…..or think you are. That will work. I am satisfied knowing I believe I’m right and that’s fine with me!
LOL, Sorry to confuse or create chaos. Marti, the point of the post was to show that sometimes being ‘right’ doesn’t always lead to being ‘happy’. In the example I gave, I shared how I was screaming and yelling at breakfast, attempting to defend that I was ‘right’. However, in those moments (and the moments that followed) I was not at all happy.
Sometimes we have to make a choice. What’s more important to us? Being ‘right’ or enjoying happiness?
Thanks for stopping by, reading, and sharing your comments!
I see that I give my remote (like the remote of the TV) to some other person and get trapped in defending.He starts controlling my happiness.It is quite an emotional understanding which i feel quite difficult at times.
This is a great example, SK Puri. Something that is so easy to understand for us all- which makes it the perfect teaching point! Thank you very much for bringing this experience to our attention. Enjoy your health today! Elizabeth
I feel happy in sharing my experiences. It took me long to improve in my life with better self care. I must say I learn a lot from your videos……..SK Puri,Noida/India
Thank you SK Puri! I am glad you enjoy the videos and take something from them. Enjoy your day, Elizabeth
Well, I’m happy! I don’t have to be right. The most important thing is that I’m happy…..whether right or not. I agree with you. Don’t sweat the small things especially if it’s going to cause you extra stress and/or anger. I’m ok with how things are and try not to let negative energy come into my life and mess things up!
BTW, I hope you had a very Merry Christmas, Liz, and have a beautiful and prosperous New Year!
Thank you Marti! And you the same. Have a beautifully peaceful holiday time, Elizabeth