Recently I received a wonderful question from a email subscriber. While I was reflecting on the question I realized that the author of the question was probably not the only one suffering from this experience. Instead of just answering the question to that specific individual, I figured I’d share my response with you all as a means to helping a greater audience. So here it goes:

Dear Elizabeth Scala,

Your videos help me but my problem is when things go wrong, like sudden diagnose of a disease, an accident or a loss or some other hardship that comes up, I am not able to adapt or comeback from the setback.

I find I want to cry or talk to somebody during these setbacks, but others are so busy in their own self. I feel I suffer alone and, in spite of knowledge, my skill to come back from a setback is very weak.

Please suggest some practice to help me develop self reliance in these circumstances. Your suggestion will be appreciated.

Thanks and regards.

‘Suffering from Setbacks‘

Thank you, Suffering from Setbacks, for this email. My response to you is it takes strength and courage to admit this suffering. The place to start is to acknowledge yourself, your feelings and your ability to express them.

Let’s start with your statement “in spite of knowledge, my skill to come back from a setback is very weak”. 

Just because we have the ‘knowledge’ of something doesn’t mean we embody the practice. A nurse can ‘know’ what it means to eat healthy; in fact she/he probably teaches a patient or client at least once a month (if not more) what healthy eating looks like. But does she/he do it? More often than not- no.

We don’t need more information or knowledge. Many of us who are into self-help books, self-care trainings or self-improvement tapes are usually ‘junkies’ of information. We get more and more knowledge, more training, more information and more words but we don’t actually implement what we learn. 

This plays into why we suffer from a setback.

In a time of stress, a setback, we forget everything we’ve learned and go back to doing what is comfortable or routine to us. So if negative thinking, inner criticism and self doubt are your main crutches that help you waddle through life- then when the going gets tough, guess what you’ll lean on first?!?

Instead of staying calm, open-minded and trusting in constant support and connection we become closed, afraid and unhappy. A setback that initially throws us off course becomes a catastrophe derailing all of our progress towards joy, health and peace.

I’d like to challenge you to let go of information. Strip yourself of all you have learned. Get back to your true you. You are good enough. You can make your own self happy. You don’t need to turn to outsiders to lift you up when you feel like crying, screaming or venting.

And guess what? They cannot help you anyway.

As you so wisely shared, “others are so busy in their own self”. 

While this is the case, it’s not something that we can look down on people for. They are suffering in their own heads and their own way with their own demons of criticism, fear, worry and doubt.

To help you comeback from a setback you’ve got to get back to the core you.

• First, we don’t need more information or knowledge. What we need is to actually practice the resources that we receive.
• Next, when a challenge or setback comes your way stop. Allow yourself to feel. There is nothing wrong with crying. Allowing the emotions to flow through you rather than stay stuck with you is the healthy way to move onto the next feeling.
• Finally, stay committed. Instead of just reading about the information or understanding the knowledge, actually put into place all of the techniques and strategies you’ve already learned.

You actually do not need any more practices or tools. You have everything you need just as you are. Just allow yourself to shine and value your unique being. You are worth it and worthy of it.

I’d love to hear your reactions, comments or reflections. Please leave a question or comment below. And please, go ahead and share this post with the social media buttons below. I’d love for more people to benefit from the wisdom we’ve gathered here today. Enjoy your health today!