As nurses, we are a profession of “givers.”  Our role is to provide safe care, empathetic compassion, and healing nurture.  We are people who constantly give of ourselves.  We give to our patients, their families, our colleagues, our staff, and then to those in our personal lives; our families, friends, neighbors, and communities.  No wonder there is nothing left to give to ourselves; we are all tapped out of what we have available to give.

This past week I’ve had various incidents occur around these concepts of giving and receiving.  I have since felt compelled to write about this, as it is my belief, that this is a topic most nurses struggle with.

The first experience I had was during a discussion I was having with a mentor of my own.  We were talking about my desire to help nurses “slow down” and focus on their own self-care and well-being.  During the conversation she pointed out a significant issue and asked me to reflect back on how “slowing down” felt for me during the point of my life where I was always on the go.  She asked me, “How did it make you feel when someone told you to ‘slow down’ and take some time for yourself?”  The first word out of my mouth was “Irritated”.  She helped me realize, through remembering back to a time when I was “busy” and rushed, that we are not always receptive to help and support.  As nurses, we are not easily able to be on the “receiving” end of relationships.

The next thing that occurred was I was interviewing a patient today; getting her consent for a project I am part of.  The husband was there as well and we had a lovely conversation, part of which was where they re-lived back to me the moment leading up to her hospitalization.  The husband shared with me how his wife had to be “brought back to life twice” as her heart had stopped.  You could never tell it today as they were a lovely couple sharing their story.  But what I heard amazed me and struck a chord within.  During my interview, when I asked her what strengths she possessed, she said “I am a very giving person” (as the husband rolled his eyes).  She continued, “Yes, he does not like it since I am so generous and at times he feels I should say no.”

The story continued when the husband became more vocal.  He shared with me that this selfless behavior his wife exhibits could be part of the reason she became so emergently ill.  He explained that she had been sick for a long time; coughing, vomiting, and trying to hide it from him.  When he told her to go to the clinic to get checked she told him she “would” or she “was fine.”  She was unable to receive his help and support and was constantly giving of herself.  This led to her becoming so ill she had to be taken in an ambulance and treated with emergency care!

My final example is another that is close to home as it has happened to me.  I recall back when I worked on my inpatient unit.  I was rounding with the physician one weekend shift and had not eaten anything all day.  While in a patient’s room, I almost passed out and needed the other nurses to take my blood pressure, care for me, and give me snacks.  Because I didn’t care for myself I was ineffective in my role.  I thought I could do it all; giving of myself to my patients, the physician, my team, but not to myself.  Now how productive was that?  Not asking for help from others led to myself and my team members being taken from our roles for part of the shift that day.

These stories are meant to be examples of how giving of ourselves over and over and over… and over again is not always the healthiest way to live.  While we want to be the most effective and productive nurses we can be each day; we must accept a helping hand.  We must be able to receive in our lives.  We must balance our ability to give and to take.  Receiving support and help does not have to come at the expense of caring for our patients or loved ones.  Rather being able to receive now and then may make us more effective “givers” in the long run.

How do you allow yourself to receive in your life?  What ways do you practice to let others support and assist you?