3 Ways for Nurses to Handle Difficult Patients

by | Jul 31, 2014 | 12 comments

© Dawn Hudson | Dreamstime Stock Photos

Many nurses enter their nursing careers with the best intentions. We want to help other people feel better; we desire to ease the pain; we believe we can make a difference. And then we get into our nursing jobs, filled with the stress, struggle and strain, and what happens?

Compassion fatigue takes over. Nursing burnout sets in. We may possibly even start to (shudder at the thought) resent the patients we are tasked to take care of each day.

I want you to know that this these drained and disgruntled feelings are totally NORMAL. (And example of this caregiver burden can be found in this Pamela Miles article of Reiki for sustainable self-care.)

While the actions and reactions are all too common for us as healthcare providers, we have to remember that pretending they are not there and pushing them away is actually more detrimental to our health and the care we give our patients than it is to actually DO something about them. And though the title of this article reads ‘handle difficult patients’ we all know as busy nurses, that the term patient can easily be interchanged with the word colleague, co-worker, provider or supervisor. So let’s get at it…

[Tweet “Here are the top 3 ways for nurses to handle difficult patients.”]

  • Learn from them. Earlier this week, I wrote about my husband’s challenging situation with multi-tasking. Well, after it happened and the dust had settled, I asked him: “Drew, what can you learn from this?” It’s not important what he said, but rather the fact that every difficult personality in our lives provides lessons to be learned. I once was told that what I see as annoying, irritating or upsetting in another person is actually a great gift as it provides a mirror image of some of my own challenges. What can you learn from the difficult personalities in your life?
  • Accept them. Gosh, I have read so many self-help books so I can’t be 100% sure- but I recently finished ‘The Power of Patience‘ by M. J. Ryan. In her book, the author describes how each human being is doing the best that they can, with where they currently are and what they currently have. Our patients (and even our co-workers) come to us at their most vulnerable state. When we remember this and approach them with compassion it makes it that much easier to practice patience with them.
  • Leave them. Maybe not right there while you are on your shift, but I am serious- leave them. When you go home, leave work at work. If it gets as bad as it did for the massage therapist in the Pamela Miles article sited above (or me when I worked on my inpatient psych unit), maybe it is time to leave them for good and look for a career alternative in nursing. Feel the emotions that need to be experienced and then let them go.

How about you? How do you handle difficult patients, providers, colleagues or supervisors? I would love to hear what has worked for you so that we can all learn and grow together. Thank you for your comment. Enjoy the day.

12 Comments

  1. Donna

    “Share the wealth”. Or the pain for that matter. When we have difficult patients at work, we rotate nurses so that no one nurse gets stuck taking care of the patient every day. Fortunately for me, working as an OB nurse, we have frequent turnover of patients, but sometimes they can get very demanding. Another solution is having another nurse answer the call light once in a while to give you a break.

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Hi Donna,

      Having a team to support you with challenging situations is a great idea. Thank you for the addition to this list. Enjoy the day and thanks for reading,

      Elizabeth

      Reply
  2. Marti Hansen

    I recently had a very difficult family member of a patient. The patient was fine with the new accomodations but the family member wasn’t. He ranted and raved and even called our unit and the other patient in the room whom he didn’t know a derogatory name. I continued to be kind and understanding yet letting him know that at this time we couldn’t do anything (it was 10 pm) but in the morning I would make sure that his concerns would be addressed and possibly a better solution would be available. He seemed ok with that but said that he would only tolerate ONE night! When I came to work the next evening, I saw that the patient was still in the same room. I was shocked! When I asked, I found that when he was approached as to any concerns he may have and he never mentioned a word about what he had been so upset about the previous night. The patient continued to stay in the same room with the same roommate for over a week. All the staff were aware and we treated the family member with kindness and respect. His family member was treated as we treat all patients, with respect, kindness and with great care. I guess it worked because he never said a word again and was friendly and would say, “Good morning,” upon aarriving each morning. I took care of her each time I worked and we must have done something right because the patient and the family member were very satisfied with the staff, the care and the accomodations. What I thought was going to be a very difficult situation turned out to have a very different outcome. You just never know the effect patience, kindness, listening and understanding of others can have.

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Great example, Marti. This is so true and I am so glad that we have nurses like you out there caring for people around the world. Great work!

      Reply
  3. KimberlyWard

    “Leave them” or as I like to say cut the balloon. A concept I learned in counseling which was hard to practice at first but has since become second nature:). I also agree that if cutting the balloon at each shift isn’t doing it ; it’s definitely time consider your next career move.

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Love it, Kimberly. Gives a great analogy that we can visually use to let go. Thank you for sharing from your experience. Enjoy the day, Elizabeth

      Reply
  4. LifeCoachRN

    Great article Elizabeth. I like the leave them part especially when it’s your supervisor that’s difficult. Good tips all around. Thanks!

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Thank you, Naomi. Much appreciated. And you are right- we cannot change another person’s energy, action or behavior. We can only be accountable for our own. Unhappy? We have got to make that change. Enjoy the day, Elizabeth

      Reply
  5. eileen spillane

    Thanks Elizabeth. You bring up some very helpful tips, particularly learning from them and leaving them behind. I recently posted a story about a difficult family member of the patient here: http://bit.ly/1qFdRvC

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Hi Eileen, yes sometimes we just have to move on. Thank you for the kind words about the post. I appreciate you sharing your post with our readers. Enjoy the day, Elizabeth

      Reply
  6. Inyangmme Titilayo

    Be patient,study the individual by keeping quiet watching.Explore to feel if at that particular period the individual is battling with some ugly,negative challenges around her.Ask other colleagues what they have noticed about the behaviour.If different from your own impression,then find time to interact with him/her.Let the person know how badly you feel,explain&convince her on how&why people should not proof too difficult.In a relaxed or jocular mood.If despite all these there is resistance,keep away.

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Scala

      Great additions, Inyangmme. I too agree that staying quiet, listening and observing the people/environments around us can be one of our greatest teachers. Thank you for taking the time to read and share your comments. Enjoy the day, ELizabeth

      Reply

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