…So recently I have had to make some difficult decisions.  I was involved in a partnership with a Wellness Center since November; not too long, but still what I am about to share was challenging for me.  Over the course of the past two weeks or so I had been going back and forth in my mind about my desire to stay affiliated with this group… actually it was probably longer than that…

…Some of my thoughts were: I wanted to start my own business and now I am getting involved with another group; what am I thinking?  I wanted to be my own boss and work for myself, not for other people anymore.  I want to make my own decisions for myself and my business; am I being truly authentic and maintaining my integrity by joining on to another group?  Not only these thoughts were going through my mind, but on the other hand of staying with the group was: Well, they know a lot more people and the exposure is good.  Or, I am learning a lot from each person I come into contact with.  And, I have already signed on with them; I do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings by telling them I want to part ways…

…Staying in a relationship, of any kind, because you do not want to “hurt anyone’s feelings” is not a reason to stay.  I am just saying.  By staying with a relationship where you are looking out for their feelings; are you looking out for the most important feelings… your own?!  No.  So that was a big eye-opener for me.  I was worried about hurting their feelings, making waves, or having people not like me; but what about myself?  Was I thinking of my own feelings?  Was I doing what I wanted?  How did I feel about it?…

…Well, I felt it deep down; in the pit of my stomach.  I did not want to stay.  But it was almost as if I had to validate that feeling.  I talked it over with Drew.  I talked it over with my sister.  I journaled about it.  I thought about it.  I meditated on it.  I was making lists of pros and cons in my head, but ultimately I knew what I wanted… I wanted out.  So why was it so difficult for me to just make that decision, share it, and be done with it?  Well here is my thinking of what was going on…

• Outside influencers:  We are often so involved with what everybody thinks of us.  We get messages from the mass media, our family, our work, our friends, and our communities about the “social norms” and what we “ought” to be doing.  By leaving a group I so newly joined on to I did not want to make any waves.  I did not want to upset anyone.  I felt it was the “bad” thing to do and I would be looked down upon.  I was letting my judgments, or the judgments of those around me, influence my thinking.
• We are too busy to know:  I feel that we are often so rushed, so hustled, that it is hard for us to settle down, slow down, and listen to ourselves.  We rush from task to task, event to event, meeting to meeting.  When do we take the time to really hear ourselves?  When do we check in with us?  Now I know I said I was journaling, meditating, and reflecting on this decision; but that was only recently after some time of going back and forth inside my head with what to do and why.  So maybe if I took more time to slow down and hear my inner self I would have made my decision faster… or not.  Who knows?
• We do not know what we want:  I think that part of my issue is I am not extremely clear with myself about what it is I want.  I mean, I think I am, or maybe even I am getting clearer; but at the time I signed on with this group I was not clear about what I wanted from it and what I could give to it.  I want it all for my business; I want clients, I want groups, I want to publish books, I want to help, I want to speak, I want to write, etc.  So I have to get extremely clear with myself as to what I want out of things in order to make the right decisions.
• We worry about the alternative:  So part of my worry with letting go of this connection was that I would be making the wrong decision.  I was like, oh man… if I say I do not want to part of this group what if it is the wrong choice?  Well, I will tell you what… there is no way to know that, but what I do know is that if I felt it inside that it was right to leave then it was right and I have to trust myself and know I am making the right decision.  I have to make up my mind and move forward.  I cannot worry about the past, the “what-if,” the mind games; because all of those are my mind creating doubt so that it tries to avoid change and keep the status quo.  Well I do not want the status quo… I want the great!
• We struggle with letting go:  I am finding a theme this year so far; let go.  I have heard other business owners talk about it, I have read articles about it, I have talked with mentors about it… I have to sit down, slow down, and take my own advice.  Let me just let go of this… trust my path… and know I am exactly where I am meant to be right now.

Is there anything you are struggling with?  Do you have any decisions you have to make that are gnawing at your insides?  How do you handle tough decisions?