I used to want to control everything.  I wanted work days to go smoothly, appointments and meetings to happen timely, and conversations to end with my thoughts or opinions as outcomes.  I would get frustrated with co-workers who didn’t see things my way.  I would get angry when people were late or meetings were delayed.  I would feel uncomfortable and unhappy when things did not turn out as I had planned; especially at work.

Have you ever had this experience, or something similarly related to it?  You arrive at work to your nursing unit on time and ready for report.  Since you worked a 12 hour shift the day before you were the nurse who did the afternoon admission.  Not only that, but you worked with 5 patients the day prior, so you figured coming in you would be taking care of the same folks to create continuity of care.  However right off that bat things are not stacked up in your favor.  You have a completely different assignment and you have not worked with any of your patients before; in fact they are on the other physician team service and you learn that you are the nurse expert that day rounding with the team.  Then you look further at the schedule and see that after 8 hours they have you moving to another area your staff team covers, to finish up 4 hours in the psychiatric emergency department.  And to top it all off, your manager comes in right after report to tell you that the meeting for Patient Satisfaction has been changed to next week, which is the week you have off to study for finals for school.  She says you really need to come in for the meeting as she will be out of town visiting grandchildren.  Things are not going your way.

What comes up for you after reading this scenario?  I know, for me, in the past when things would happen like this to me I would feel very angry.  I would get hot flashes that started in my chest and rose to my head.  My blood would feel like it was boiling and my face would turn beat red.  My head would start to ache and I would get knots in my stomach.  I would actually almost feel like I was on the verge of tears I was so mad.  Thoughts would be racing through my mind.  “This is so unfair! I don’t know these patients! I cannot do this.  Why do these things always happen to me?  This stinks!!”  I would try and complain to the charge nurse.  I would attempt to get my patients back and arrange my schedule so I did not have to leave the unit after 8 hours.  I would be so furious at my nurse manager for the change in the meeting, even though it had nothing to do with her.  I would feel totally out of control, and it did not feel good.

Yet notice I said this is how I felt in the past.  After a lot of inner healing, reflective reading, and educating myself I now have a very different outlook on the need to control everything around me.  I have learned, and am still learning, the art of “letting go”.  There is a line in the serenity prayer that speaks to this concept.  It is “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.”  Realizing certain experiences are outside of our control can be very freeing.  Many circumstances in our lives are beyond our reach.  We cannot control time.  We do not have power over another person’s behavior.  We are unable to change the past or rearrange what will occur in the future.  Letting go can remind us to live in the present moment.  So how do we do this?

Here are the simple steps that I have learned and currently take to let go, to release myself from the need to control:

• Observe my thoughts as they come in to my area of consciousness- If I catch myself thinking negative thoughts, making a judgment, or feeling uncomfortable sensations such as anger, unhappiness, or frustration I observe these thoughts and realize I am presently having them.
• Take a deep and slow breath in and out through my nose- The physical release of the breath reminds me that I am able to let go of these nasty feelings and of these controlling thoughts.
• Focus my mind on the present moment- I choose consciously to then focus on what is currently going on around me.  I become more in touch with my five senses; what do I see in this moment, what does my skin feel, who can I hear, and what might I be smelling or tasting.
• State to myself my positive affirmation- “I am exactly where I need to be right now”.
• Turn it over to my Higher Power- For me; I believe that the Universe has a path for each of us.  What is supposed to happen will happen.  The timing of experiences will occur in a natural way so what is the point of stressing over things?  If something does not take place as I was expecting it to then maybe it was not supposed to turn out that way.  (This is the significant step of letting go as we feel a lot less stress and tension if we are always trying to force things to transpire in the way we want them to).
• Be grateful for my blessings- Instead of being upset or unhappy with things not turning out the way I planned I take a moment to reflect on all the positive experiences.
• Congratulate myself- I review the experience and allow myself to celebrate that I have not let feelings control me.  I enjoy the feeling of “letting go” of the need to control.  I relish in this freedom.