My first thought as I sit down to write my blog post for us nurses today: “I’m Exhausted.” Wow. What kind of statement is that? What does “I’m Exhausted” sound like to you?
Give up? I’ll tell you… it’s a complaint.
I literally JUST realized the reason why I’m not yet 100% successful with my desires.
I complain WAY too much!
And let me put something out there that you may or may not want to hear: Nurses Complain Way Too Much.
We just do.
I hear it in the break-room, in the hallway, in the bathroom, in the cafeteria, and even in the parking lot. I hear it from family and friends who are nurses. Heck, I am one! I can say it!! I did (do) it too.
Why do we do this?
Well, for one thing we are trying to feel better. Complaining when viewed as ‘venting’ is spun with a positive light. But guess what? Even harmless ‘venting’ is harmful!
I gave a talk today to a large group of nurses at my organization. At the end, I went around the room and had one person from each of the 25 tables share either what they learned or what they were grateful for. One woman actually said: “I’m grateful for my team members on my unit and how we get together to vent in times of stress.”
Eeek! Venting in a time of stress, while seems healing at the time is actually doing more harm than good!
And here’s why.
What we give we get. Focus on the pain and suffering, get more of it. Talk about the problems and issues, bring them on. Highlight the negative and the environment you experience will mirror just that.
So you might be thinking/feeling: “Gosh, what a fraud. You JUST told us above that you complain a lot. How can you preach to me about venting? What a hypocrite!”
Hey, I never said I was perfect. (Smile). But what I DID also say above that this evening’s reflection on desires, success, and abundance has knocked me straight over the head with a huge lesson learned! And so what I am doing is sharing that realization on with you…
So what does this mean for me? How can I shift this?
The number one way to grow through your blocks of constant complaining: Focus On Gratitude.
That’s it?
Yup, it’s that simple! Focus on what you’re grateful for and shift your entire experience. And here’s a fun and simple way to do this:
- Awareness: First, you have to realize you are complaining. If you’re anything like me (a chronic complainer from as young as you can talk) these complaints can even come out in an auto-pilot way. Instead of living an unconscious life, you’re going to have to get deliberate about it. Watch your words. Notice your thoughts. Become aware of your complaining ways.
- Stop: As soon as you notice yourself complaining stop in that instant. Stop whatever you are doing. Stop speaking. In that moment just freeze. (It may seem silly, but it’s so necessary).
- Shift: Once you realize you are being negative shift your thoughts/words immediately. Even if you can’t focus on a positive in relation to that negative you were just thinking/talking about- that’s OK. Just focus on a positive. Any positive. Mine is the beach at Cape May, NJ. What’s yours?
- Gratitude: Then look around and find the thing you are grateful for in that moment. Think it. Speak it. And not just ‘what’ you’re grateful for- but why? Bring to mind one gratitude and why that gratitude makes you grateful. Feel it.
There you have it! An easy-peesy 4 step process to releasing your cycle of constant complaining. Again, no fingers pointed- no judgements made. I’m right there with you!
In fact, let’s keep each other accountable. Leave a comment, reaction, or reflection below. How will you embrace this practice? When will you start letting go of complaints? How about now!?! Let’s do this together!
Yes! Just this week I was saying how I tried to put together something for some of our staff (after they had complained about wanting more learning opportunities) and only one person signed up. I said “only one person signed up!” My manager spun it and said “Then it was a success, sometimes you have to start small!” I realized she was right. I had affected one person and that was one more than before!! So, since then I am choosing to look at things from a positive viewpoint as much as possible. Will I complain again? Probably. But I am turning it, one day at a time! Great post!!
Hi Lisa,
Great to hear from you! Thank you for coming by, reading, and sharing your comment. I appreciate it! Your example is PERFECT! And honestly, I would have done the same thing (been upset with the low turnout). But I am learning more and more that slow and steady wins the race. I also share your insights on taking it one day at a time. Thank you for sharing your experience,
Elizabeth
I love your blog because it sounds like the way I think. There’s another step to this. When there is a real basis to your “complaint”, go to the person actually involved in the situation or someone who can do something about it. So much of harmful complaining is spojen to the wrong people. Once I realized this, I got up the courage to go to the right people, this brings a real peace, whereas just complaining does the opposite.
Hi there Patricia,
Thank you so much for coming by, reading, and taking the time to comment! I love it! Thank you for adding the further step. You are so right. When we find the right people to share our voice with it becomes so empowering to speak our truth. Enjoy your health today,
Elizabeth
Great post, Elizabeth! I’m guilty of complaining too…much more so in my per diem role than in teaching/consulting for some reason. I love the steps you suggest for individual efforts to turn energy in a positive direction. I can’t help but wonder if this isn’t in part due to nurses voices being dismissed and lack of opportunities for nurses to be heard and respected. I’m not trying to excuse my own bad behaviors, :), but in addition to your suggestions, I think leaders could help create pathways for nurses to to have healthier conversations. I think of things like role-modeling and creating a culture where giving and receiving constructive feedback is the status quo.
Hi Beth,
Thanks for coming by, reading, and taking the time to comment on the post. I am glad to hear that the steps I offer are of value to you. I do agree that these steps are not completely all-encompassing and that many other pieces of the puzzle must be in place to allow for healthy work environments. I am just suggesting how we can own our own space in the work environments we find ourselves in. But yes, absolutely, things like healthy role-modeling and constructive feedback are wonderful additions!
Elizabeth
Thank YOU, Elizabeth! I think the more we can work on our own evolution, the better!
Right On!!