I went to dinner with my parents back in June when they came for a visit. I had been doing a lot of soul-searching around that time, trying to get clear with some of my repetitive, negative patterns. Oh yes! I remember now… it was when I was doing the 21-day tapping challenge (self-imposed, but still a challenge in its own right).

Tapping teaches you to look at all of the ‘branches’ of life, searching for clues to present moment discomfort. Has something happened in your past that you still cling to, blocking you of the enjoyment we all so desire?

So I was tapping along… tap, tap, tap… and something came up about my own way of being ‘hard’ on myself. My ‘inner critic’ having a much louder voice than I tend to admit. Using the tapping method- and the book I was reading at the time- I was encouraged to look deeper, go into the intense feelings of my past.

What I realized was this: I was hard on myself because I perceived feelings of ‘hard on me’ from my parents. They always wanted me to get straight A’s, be the best on all of my sports teams, and dance at the front of the group on the stage in my recitals. If I wasn’t the best, something was ‘wrong’ and I had better do better… or at least that is how I felt.

Well this past June, doing this tapping and feeling these emotions, I decided to ask my parents. Ask them straight up: would you still have loved me even if I wasn’t so smart, athletic, or talented? And not even love (because I am sure that the response is ‘of course!’)… but would you still accept me even if I wasn’t as ‘good’ at stuff?

Boy oh boy, was I in for a long night… a long rest of the weekend!

They got SO offended. (Sorry Mom, if you are reading this). They were upset, my father literally would not speak. And somehow the conversation shifted to the fact that I HATED my high school experience and was miserable every day of those four years of life.

That made it even worse! Needless to say, dinner ended pretty quick, the drive home was awkward, and we all went to bed pretty quiet.

The next morning, walking my dogs, I said to my Mom- “You know, I didn’t mean to get everyone all upset…” and proceeded to explain to her the background of my soul-searching and inquiry. As I was talking this strong feeling came over me. It was as if my entire body was lifting off of the ground and light bulbs were popping all around my head!

“Oh my goodness! It wasn’t you at all. It wasn’t the kids in high school. It wasn’t the school. It wasn’t anyone. It was me!”

I was the cause of my own misery those four long years. I chose to hang out with the ‘cliquey, popular’ crowd and feel as if I never fit in. I was the one trying so hard to be cool. I made a choice every day of those years to hang out with the mean, snotty, and stuck up girls. I chose to put myself in those situations that I felt uncomfortable in. I did it all.

I said to my Mother, “Wow, thanks for helping me realize this. I could have done it all differently. I could have hung out with nicer, quieter, maybe even ‘dorky’ people. But I chose what I chose and that is why I was miserable the entire time!”

You have a choice every day of your life. You choose the people you surround yourself with. You choose how to feel, where to go, how to speak to people, and what to do. If you are unhappy with your current job, situation, or circumstances then maybe it’s time to make some new choices.

Often I hear about nurses being unhappy or dissatisfied with their work. Heck, I was a nurse who was unhappy and dissatisfied! You don’t have to stay in that energy. You can choose to find a new job, hang out with new people, or make changes that will satisfy, energize, and lift you up.

What do you need to change today? What healthy choice have you been waiting to make? Let’s all support each other and transform our lives. Live your passion; reach your goals; enjoy yourself today!