How to Deal with Difficult Co-Workers (Part I)

by | Sep 11, 2015 | 17 comments

Dealing with Draining Colleagues: How to Protect Yourself from the Staff #yournextshiftThe other day I was walking through the hospital and realized just how many people are there! No really, I always ‘knew’ in my mental mind about how many patients, families, and staff walk through a hospital on a daily basis. I just was in awe of the awareness I had on the sheer number of people around me.

This can happen in life, as well as at work. There are people around you all of the time. Some of them upbeat, cheery and quite fun while others… Others, not so much. They complain. They whine and moan to you about their problems. Are they even present to listen to you when it’s your time to talk? (A whole separate issue, I am sure)

But a nursing career and healthcare workplace is no different. The break room can be a breeding ground for these toxic relationships. I know I have seen and heard it all in terms of negative commentary, down-right rude gossip, and everything in between. OK- and maybe I’ve participated in the past… but not anymore.

No this nurse has done a lot… I mean a TON… of inner work to shift perspectives in the workplace. But as I walked through those busy halls the other day, it occurred to me that not everyone I encounter may be on board with this positive mindset. So how do we do it? How do we stay upbeat, energized, and focused on what we love about nursing admidst the dreariness of it all? How do we come to work enthusiastic and ready to go when our team is less than that?

Here’s a video blog today for dealing with difficult co-workers. And this is part one of a 3-part video series. Enjoy!

I’d love to hear from you! What tips do you have for staying positive in the workplace? What can you add to the suggested techniques in this video blog? Leave a comment below and thanks for watching.

Elizabeth Scala, MSN/MBA, RNAbout the Author: As a speaker, workshop facilitator, and Reiki Master, Elizabeth partners with hospitals, organizations, associations, and nursing groups to help transform the field of nursing from the inside out. As the host of the Your Next Shift Workshop, Elizabeth guides nurses and nursing students to a change in perspective, helping them make the inner shift needed to better maneuver the sometimes challenging realities of being a caregiver.

17 Comments

  1. Dr Rachel Silva, DNP

    Thanks for bringing this topic to discuss. I appreciate you sharing the concept of counterintuitiveness of human behavior. It reminds me of a quote by Michael J. Fox, “acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.”

    Before any change can be made, we have to be able understand the other person’s perception. although we may not agree with it. Your video is a nice touch to this blog post, too! The essence of what I got from listening to your vlog is perception is not equivalent to reality. That’s a great starting point to keep in mind. I can’t wait to read and hear the upcoming posts you present on this topic!

    Reply
    • Elizabeth

      Thanks, Rachel. I love the quote from Michael J. Fox- I haven’t heard that one before, so thanks for bringing it here to this post! Yes, the first step is accepting things as they are. This helps us be mindful of our reactions to them. I appreciate your comments on the video and can’t wait to hear your thoughts on part II and III.

      Reply
  2. exceptionalnurse

    Wow Elizabeth…you addressed such an important topic for all of us. The same personality types present in nursing faculty meetings and lounges. Complaining, whining, or demonstrating rudeness to others.
    Nursing students can demonstrate the same behaviors as they huddle before and after a clinical day.
    I don’t have the answer for sure….but I like to use my sense of humor and redirect the behavior. Share a joke or silly story. Sometimes (not always) it changes the air and mood!

    Reply
    • Elizabeth

      Great idea, Donna. Humor can go a long way. We just have to be mindful we don’t come across as looking down on anyone or playing too much in the workplace. Yet this is a great suggestion and a wonderful way to hopefully role-model good behavior.

      Reply
  3. Big Red Carpet Nurse

    It’s true, I agree: the inner changes required to optimize our interpersonal and coping skills take years to decades to build, and few of us ever reach their full potential (the exceptions seem prone to starting religions). Fortunately, the benefits seem to begin to accrue from day one, both gradually and permanently. Thanks for your work helping folks make it so – Greg

    Reply
    • Elizabeth

      Wonderful point, Greg. Sometimes it is gradual. Yet, you are right… these gradual growth points do accumulate and help us over time! Thanks for coming by and sharing your thoughts.

      Reply
  4. Kelly Payne

    Elizabeth
    It is so hard to not get caught up in the “gossip” of work. I know I have to make a contentious effort when the chatter turns catty at work. Thanks for bringing this to the forefront.

    Reply
    • Elizabeth

      You are welcome, Kelly. And I do agree, it is tough work. As long as we are consciously aware that we have a decision in each moment- we will choose the ‘right’ one more often!

      Reply
  5. Susan

    Thanks for sharing your insights in this blog. Awareness comes from within…and change begins with each one of us rather than trying to change others. Thanks for the video, too! Appreciated the personal insights!

    Reply
    • Elizabeth

      Thanks Susan. I am so glad that you came by and shared your comment on the blog. Thanks for the affirmative statements that this stuff really DOES work. I also am grateful for your kind words about the video. Many thanks!

      Reply
  6. Pam

    Thank you so much for addressing this issue. I confess I get caught up and dragged down by these types of people almost every day. I ask myself all the time, how does one stay positive, do the right thing, take care of sick people without the support of good team mates and not get discouraged, especially when management doesn’t help either. I know we live in a sinful fallen world, and it is easier said than done when we are faced with this everyday, thats why your right. We can only focus on ourselves, renew our minds on a daily basis, treating others like we want and need to be treated and remembering why we went into nursing in the first place. Ignoring the negative behavior, choosing not to engage in any talk thats destructive and keeping our thoughts on all things positive and good. Trying to lead by example, and doing this over and over until it becomes a habit. It’s either that or find another job outside of nursing. I visualize myself on the battle field, or in a third world country trying to focus on things in my life to be grateful for, but it is exhausting. I work with a few bullies and find it to be lateral violence in the work place, it is that bad. I also find nurses for the most part do not stick up for each other, team work is often non existent unless a manager is around, and if you do try to be an advocate for the patient or your fellow team mates, you usually fight that battle alone. So, my mental training program I do daily in order to deal with the negative, mean people I work with will continue until God wants me some where else. Thank you so much for sharing this video. Keep up the great inspiration. Pam

    Reply
    • Elizabeth

      Thanks Pam. I appreciate you coming by, reading, and sharing your comment from your experiences. It is great to hear that you continuously refocus your mind and engage in positive behavior. It can be tiring, yet over time we are role-modeling what we’d like to see in our workplace. You’re doing great… keep it up!

      Reply
  7. maureenpowers

    This is a great article and video. I love the way you have approach this topic. I can identify with what you have learned throughout your life and love the way you share it

    Reply
    • Elizabeth

      Thanks, Maureen.

      Reply
  8. Bobbi Kolonay

    Thanks for this great reminder; it is difficult to not get dragged down by this energy. I love to “send” those stressed, angry people “tender loving kindness” energy. It makes me feel better immediately and I can almost see the change in them (at least that is what I like to believe)

    Reply
    • Elizabeth

      Oh, that’s a great idea, Bobbi. Thanks for sharing that here with our readers!

      Reply

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Another Nurse Blogger Explosion! | Big Red Carpet Nursing - […] 7. Elizabeth Scala offers How to Deal With Difficult Co-Workers (Part 1):  […]
  2. How to Deal with Difficult Co-Workers (Part II) - […] Last week we talked about a mindset you can choose to have when dealing with a negative environment in…

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